Exclusives

A Personal Word From Plain Old Joe

  1. Introducing Gestalt IT Industry Confidential
  2. What Are HP and Hurd Up To?
  3. What’s Keeping Me Up At Night
  4. The Dell Opportunity
  5. A Personal Word From Plain Old Joe
  6. Ellison Ain’t No Sun King

Let’s see if I can get this thing to work. I guess what I write here will go out to everyone reading that confidential industry thing at that gestalt it web site. ¬†So I just sent my PR minder out for some coffee. And I told her to get something better than the canteen – some real Dunkies coffee not that fancy fake Starbucks stuff.

I wanted to take a minute to address this whole “Don Joey” thing. See, I’m not at all like this in person. They made up a picture of me looking like the Godfather, ferchrissakes! I’m not some kind of mafia guy, I’m more like a friendly grandfather. I guess my Italian heritage makes people take me wrong.

They sexed up the memos I wrote, too. And PR took out some great stuff I wanted to say about Mikey Dell. But I guess it’s for the better after the phone call I just had with him. He’s all over this acquisition idea, says I’m right that he just couldn’t find anyone in Round Rock that was ready to take over. Boy, I can sympathize with that!

I told him about my situation with Davey Donatelli. Damn, just saying that guy’s name burns me up. I thought he was gonna work out here on South Street but he was already making the wrong enemies. I guess him leaving was for the best since it meant I didn’t have to break the news to him that he’d never get my job. He just couldn’t handle it long term. He got lucky, made some good moves, but the boys on the board would have eaten him up. Glad I didn’t have to push him out with plan B!

But I’m luckier than Mikey since I got lots of other guys to choose from. I like what I’m getting from Pauley Maritz so far over at VMware. He’s sure easier to deal with than that woman who was running the place when I bought it! Then there’s Patty G, come over from Intel. They’re gonna miss him, let me tell you. I’ll let those two fight it out over who gets my seat at the $100 billion company I’m gonna leave behind!

Me and Mikey were also talking about how we would handle the PR situation that this is gonna create. We gotta win over the financial guys before we go public, but that’ll be easy enough to do. I’m gonna turn a few hundred million bucks into about $20 billion in valuation, and they’ll be drooling when I announce that!

The so-called industry analysts are another story. They all think they’re so smart, but this one guy takes the cake. It’s funny, see, because I fired him years ago but he likes to forget about all that. Instead he’s always kissing my ass on one side and kicking it on the other. You might think he’d be on board since we pay him so much for his “advice”, but it’s gonna take more than that. But I got a plan. If I make it look like he came up with the whole thing he’ll play ball. Sure he’ll go around taking credit for the whole thing, but who really cares?

Damn, that girl from PR is back already. I forgot how many Dunkies there are around here, next time I’ll send her for Krispy Kremes! She got herself a light and sweet, man, who can stand those things?

About the author

Don Joey

"Don Joey" is the imagined CEO of a well-known company that ain't just about storage, got it?

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